Thursday, August 7, 2014

Here's to ice cream and crop tops.

I'm spending the month of August writing my face off. Thanks to some wonderful and supportive ladies, I'm working on finding my voice. It's pretty awesome. Here goes day three.

Day 3 "If beauty didn't matter I would...."

What would I do if beauty didn't matter? Well, let's start with the fact I would have been a much happier teenager. As I've grown older and matured, ever so slightly, I've found my own beauty. I've grown into my skin and learned to accept myself. It's been a rather long road. I wasn't born this way.

Even through all my issues, through my awkward teen years and my rocky twenties, I've never felt the need to make myself beautiful in the traditional sense. From nose piercings to green hair to pink hair, I've never let my lack of confidence stop me from exploring and expressing myself. Hair, makeup, fashion...these things have always been important to me. I can't say I would stop wearing make up or dyeing my hair if beauty didn't matter. I would still do those things. It's part of who I am. I've always felt the need to express myself through style. And that style has usually been a bit out of the box. I'm the sort of person who likes to find beauty in all sorts of places. I've never felt overly constrained to be beautiful in a typical sense. I played with Barbies as a kid, but I never wanted to look like Barbie. Not feeling the need to be beautiful in a typical sense doesn't mean I've always felt beautiful. Honestly, I think my lack of feeling beautiful made it easier for me to chop my hair off on a whim, or dye it baby blue. I could wear neon yellow eye shadow because, why not? I wasn't beautiful, thus I had nothing to lose. I found freedom in my lack of beauty. Now that I've discovered and accepted my own beauty I am working on finding freedom here as well.

If beauty didn't matter....I'd like to say I wouldn't wear a bra. I really hate those damn things. But I sort of need one. It's less a beauty thing and more a...not being naked thing. I would be embarrassed of...well....having it all hanging out there. If beauty didn't matter I'd eat ALL the ice cream. But there's still the whole pesky health issue to deal with, so I suppose that's not the best choice either. If beauty didn't matter...if I wasn't living in a world of conventional beauty standards and the worship of flat stomachs and all things thin I would buy myself a crop top and rock the hell out of it. That's what I would do if beauty didn't matter.

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